I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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