At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
