So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
