The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
