He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
