guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
