I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
