need another drink. this is the easiest way
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
