Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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