Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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