go do what you do best...puke behind churches
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
