Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
