All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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