The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just cut my nipple shaving
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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