Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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