All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
