I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
