Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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