You work out of a Hotel?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
