M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
