I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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