Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
