Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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