toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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