he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
