You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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