the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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