i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
