Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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