you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have aggressive nipples.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize