I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize