proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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