gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize