Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
