If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
