She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think my fart just growled at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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