I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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