We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
