He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
