her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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