Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
