Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
