Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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