I seem to have left my pride at pride
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
