On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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