I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what day is it and did you see me today?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
