goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
