The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I believe in your delicious
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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