they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
