I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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