I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
