Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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