OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
