You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
