It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
