thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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