my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize