And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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