I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize