woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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