Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
