I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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