The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
