I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
