it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
