Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
