Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
