you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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