Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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