Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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